A MARTÍNEZ, HOST:
A family member of five Israelis kidnapped by Hamas one year ago this week - two of Abbey Onn's relatives were killed. Two were released last month, and one remains a hostage in Gaza. Abbey Onn joins me now from Herzliya, north of Tel Aviv. Abbey, first, I want to thank you for agreeing to speak with us. You have two family members who were killed about a year ago - an 80-year-old cousin and her 12-year-old granddaughter. And I just want to start off with asking you, how is your family choosing to remember them?
ABBEY ONN: In Jewish tradition, we go to the cemetery. I think there were hundreds of us, you know, all of the family and people from Nir Oz, the kibbutz that they were part of, who gathered in the kibbutz where Carmela, my cousin, was born. And we spoke, and we hugged, and we watched movies and told stories and remembered them, which is a thing I think we will do every year on this date.
MARTÍNEZ: How are you talking to your children about them, about everything?
ONN: You know, in the first 10 days of the war last year, we didn't tell them everything that was happening. My children at the time were 7, 10 and 12. And only on Day 10, when we understood that Carmela and Noya had been murdered and were no longer hostages, as we thought, we sat the kids down and explained that there had been an attack on the country and that Carmela and Noya had been murdered.
MARTÍNEZ: You said it's taken about a year, at least, for them to understand and comprehend what that means. Has there been any one thing that made you understand, like, hey, they now get this, if they didn't get it before?
ONN: My children will see children the age of Noya, and they'll say she's not here. And I think, you know, they understand that she should be here and see things that she should be doing in the world and say, you know, how is it possible she's not here?
MARTÍNEZ: Now, two of your cousins who are children were released. Their father is still being held in Gaza. Can you describe your emotions when you saw them but wound up not seeing him?
ONN: It's really intense because we buried Carmela and Noya last year once we knew that they had been killed. And then, again, in Jewish tradition, you go back to the cemetery 30 days later. So to be there this year and to have Sahar and Erez physically there was surreal. And someone in their comments at the graveside said Carmela and Noya are underground, but they are in their resting place. Ofer is underground, but he shouldn't be there. And I think it was a really heartbreaking way to describe this reality, which is those two children were there to commemorate their grandmother, knowing that their father is still being held against his will.
MARTÍNEZ: How do you maintain hope that someday you'll be able to hug him again and see him in person?
ONN: I think I would go crazy without hope. I think it's the only thing that keeps me sane and maybe any of us sane. I think right now, it's the only thing that's going to make Israel and the Jewish people whole again, is to see these hostages come home. My fear after yesterday is that we have gotten to the thoughts-and-prayers stage. And what we need is leaders who will take action, who will say this war against terror is going to go on for a long time, but these hostages' lives may not. And we need to do everything to put them first and to bring them home and then continue fighting this war.
MARTÍNEZ: So as you think back on the last year of the war in Gaza, how much of Israel's response do you believe was justified?
ONN: I think it's a bigger question than I feel I can answer. I don't know any nation that wouldn't have responded. That being said, seeing the way we responded and the loss of life in Gaza is devastating. First and foremost, I think it is Hamas that started this war, that took innocent civilians hostage. But what has happened since is bigger than I think anyone could have imagined. We went to our bomb shelters twice yesterday, once because Hezbollah attacked and a second time because Yemen attacked. So to know that we are being attacked not only by our neighbors but by our region, I don't know that any country would not respond to such aggression.
MARTÍNEZ: Abbey Onn had five family members who were kidnapped during the October 7 attacks by Hamas. One remains a hostage in Gaza. She joined me from Herzliya, north of Tel Aviv, Israel. Abbey, thank you very much for coming on and talking with us, and I hope that you get to be reunited with your family as soon as possible.
ONN: Thank you. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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