If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health emergency, you can dial the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline for 24/7 help.
The holidays can be a great time for family and friends to get together. But for people mourning the loss of a loved one, they can be really difficult.
Ashley Alexander has been having a tough time this holiday season, the second without her daughter Nilexia. The 14-year-old was shot and killed in Tampa in May 2022.
“From that point to now it’s been a struggle I deal with daily,” said Alexander.
Alexander recently spoke to families at a vigil for gun violence victims about how this time of year is especially painful. She imagines her daughter coming home to enjoy holiday meals and presents with her family. For brief moments, she’ll feel like Nilexia’s murder was just a bad dream.
“But reality sets in when you go to look at her urn, you look at her death certificate, cremation papers, it’s like this is reality: I will never get to see her again,” Alexander said through tears. “This pain is forever.”
Tips for navigating grief during the holidays
For Deborah Brooks, the first few holidays after her baby died were really difficult, and she said grieving the loss of a loved one never truly ends.
The licensed mental health clinician is executive director of the Life Center of the Suncoast, a counseling agency in Tampa.
"We’re typically anticipating that holidays are going to be fun and cheerful and we’re going to have enjoyment and celebrate with each other, and instead our anticipatory response will be of grief and loneliness and sadness and a lot of times despair because our person isn’t there anymore, and that’s really hard,” she said.
People may face pressure to be merry this time of year, but Brooks said it’s OK to not be.
“Feel your feelings when you're feeling them,” she said. “When those emotions are coming up, do your best to be with them and attempt to ask others for support and help when you need it because you don't have to bear this burden alone.”
It’s important that those who spend time with people in mourning this holiday season talk with them about what supports they need and help them find small moments of joy, said Brooks.
For some families, the best way to honor a person who died is by continuing holiday traditions they shared together. But that might be too painful for others, said Brooks.
It can help to start new traditions, she said, and there are ways to do that while remembering the person you lost.
“Maybe the family wants to buy gifts in that person’s name and donate to a charity, or maybe they want to do a volunteer effort to celebrate and honor that person that died,” said Brooks.
Since Ashley Alexander’s daughter was killed, the Seffner resident has been channeling her grief into action to honor her daughter. Alexander shares her story with the community and advocates against gun violence with the nonprofit Rise Up for Peace.
In January, the group is partnering with the Life Center to offer grief counseling services to families in need.
Resources
If you're experiencing thoughts of suicide or urgent mental distress, you can dial the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
If you need emotional support and help connecting to social services, dial 211 or learn more on the Crisis Center of Tampa Bay's website.
For counseling and support groups focused on those who have experienced grief, loss or trauma, you can reach out to the Life Center of the Suncoast or call 813-237-3114.
